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Wednesday, September 29, 2004

In the syle of Britney Lovin' Lesbo (see links) I am going to make a little list for you all.

Today's Likes:
Ville Valo. Mmmmmm.... so pretty. Just my kind of man, look at that hair
Kittens, as always
Being 18
Getting nice emails off pretty boys
Having enough money to buy CDs
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Both the EP and the album are absolutely amazing
Being able to persuade friends to go out on friday night by means of birthday

Today's Dislikes
Feeling slightly sickly after last night, which was only exacebated by Macdonald's
The fact that my psychology teacher is going to kick my ass for skiving today
The people who were seen on CCTV driving past a woman lying unconscious with severe head injuries in the middle of a road

I was so miserable last week, but sometimes it's funny how things can turn out completely the opposite to what you expected.

Yesterday was my birthday. I got an email and phone call from my boyfriend, which made me a very happy bunny. All my friends remembered, and got me cute little presents. My family were very generous, way more than I deserve, and made me a wonderful tea with all my favourite foods (anchovies, parma ham, smoked salmon, olives, aubergine). I went out for cocktails with a friend, and got asked for I.D. which was pretty cool, as I had it and the barman gave me a free birthday drink. It was an ace birthday.

I still have a little celebrating left to do, so hopefully it will all be good.

Saturday, September 25, 2004

I guess I'm having a bad patch, so apologies to anyone who stumbles across this blog in the hope of upbeat witty musings. Come back in a few weeks.

It just feels like nothing is fun anymore. I have friends, but no social life. This is my life: Work, college, internet. I feel so lonely and am getting worried about why my boyfriend hasn't emailed. There seems to be nothing to look foward to, not even my birthday, as I have nothing to do for it. I think that's what makes me feel bad the most, because of the realisation that I've got to 18 and all I have is memories of all the stuff I used to do and people I used to see. It's like a really depressing midlife crisis 30 years early. I really hope I get happy soon.

Friday, September 24, 2004

About two months ago I had a urine test and a swab and the results were normal but this morning I got a letter telling me they all have to be repeated. My doctor was busy and the nurse didn't know why I have to do it again. I'm really fucking angry about it, I don't want to do it again. Why wait two months to tell me this?

I feel just as shit as yesterday. My boyfriend hasn't emailed since Sunday, I don't know if he's travelling.

The only good thing about today was that I got a scarf twice as long as myself.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

I'm not sure what I'm doing for my birthday. The friend I want to go out with might be working late and I haven't got anyone else to go with before going to a club. This really depresses me because I can see myself sitting at home alone on my birthday. I miss my boyfriend, I don't like college, and feel generally sad, bored and lonely.

I might get rid of the comments, I don't get many, and I get annoyed when most people give me advice.

I can't work whether I'm being a bitch right now, or if it's just that stuff sucks right now. Yesterday my friend told me I have wide hips for no reason. I don't have wide hips, so I'm not upset about that, I'm upset about why she said it. Why would you say that other than to make someone feel bad?

I need a cuddle and something fun to do.

Friday, September 17, 2004

Today I wish I was Avril Lavigne. She's pretty, can sing a bit and has a nice fiance. I think my problem is picking looks over personality. The boyfriend is hot, but he's an insensitive, stupid, uncaring bastard and sometimes he really does make me feel like shit. I emailed him pretty much what I wrote in my last post, and his reply was basically 'So what? What can I do about your friends?' I'm supposed to be at college today, but I'm going to sit around in my dressing gown and makes plans on how to feel better. These may or may not include a new haircut, new mascara and finding a new boyfriend.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

My boyfriend's going to a sperm bank to get money. At first I thought it was funny but now I'm not happy about it at all. It means that he will possibly have children some time soon. I know they can't trace him, but the thought makes me feel sick. Maybe I'm jealous, I don't know. It would also be nice if he asked what I've been doing or how I am.

I'm not very happy today. All my friends have got into couples and spend all their time sucking each other's faces in front of me and going double/triple/quadruple dating. I feel lonelier than ever. I feel unpretty, suffering from red, watering eyes constantly. There's so much to do, and I simply haven't got time. I want a break, I want to feel loved. Maybe what really gets me about all my publicly loved-up friends, that I'm jealous.

Monday, September 13, 2004

It's been a good day for two reasons. Well, these are the only two I can think of right now:

1. My boyfriend emailed to tell me everything he's been doing, and it makes me happy to hear it all. I'm just trying to look forward to seeing him again, and I feel more secure about things than I did. I'm such a geek, I'm crying because I was so happy to read his email. I've got to stop crying so much. Recently, I've cried over great sex and getting 3 As.

2. I'd been fretting about what shoes to wear with my new skirt as trainers are too frumpy, yet heels are too tarty. However, I found the ideal solution in my Mum's wardrobe: A gorgeous, slightly battered, amazingly comfy pair of cowboy boots. They fit beautifully. Everyone at college is wearing Uggs or furry boots so I will be happy to be different. (Also Uma Thurman was wearing cowboy boots in Kill Bill Vol. 2 and she is very cool.

I have a lot of work on at the moment, and I need to get on with sorting Uni stuff out. Several of my tutors have told me to apply to Oxbridge, which is a massive compliment, so I need to do that. Also, tomorrow, I will mostly be buying gorgeous comfy dressing gowns.

Sunday, September 12, 2004

I went to York today to some shopping but it was quite disappointing because nearly every nice thing I found wasn't in my size. I did come home with a pleated miniskirt though. It's probably a little too windy to wear it at the moment, although I did also invest in some girl boxer shorts to counter any embarrassing visible knicker incidents. I might wear it for going out on my birthday, but shoes are a problem, as knee high boots look a little tarty but my current trainers don't quite look good enough.

I miss my boyfriend, and having PMT is really not helping. I hate the thought of there being two months and thousands of miles between us. Even thinking about it makes me start to cry, and I hope it won't be like this for the next two months. I guess I'm scared things will be different when he comes home. He's said he doesn't want to sleep with anyone else, and I trust him, and have promised the same. I just miss him, and feel kind of lonely.

Friday, September 10, 2004

Kill Bill Volume 1 was so amazing I had to go and buy Volume 2, which I have just watched. Just as beautiful as the first (if such a violence is beautiful) and the soundtrack was even better. I loved Pulp Fiction and Jackie Brown, but this is something else entirely.

My boyfriend left this morning. I've been trying to concentrate on looking forward to seeing him again but I can't help having a little cry every so often. He told me not to cry but I could feel tears pricking as soon as I walked away.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

I just saw Kill Bill for the first time. Wow. A masterpiece. I would write more but I really should pick my jaw up from the floor now.

Saturday, September 04, 2004

Well, the thursh has gone but the bloody cystitis has returned. Thank you to MissMish for the advice. One good thing about the boyfriend going away is that it hopefully mean no more 'down there' problems, at least for a while.

My favourite girls at the moment, in no particular order:

Scarlett Johannson She's so pretty, quirky and cool, but in a way I can relate to, as she's petite and curvy. (In a Hollywood kind of way) I loved how she admitted having sex with Benicio Del Toro in a lift.

Gwen Stefani She's always on my 'I want to be her' list. Talented, undeniably sexy, and with a dress sense to die for.

Errrmmm... There was another, but I can't remember who it was.

My least favourite girls are: Jessica Simpson, because I wanted her self-designed Dessert body spray so much until I realised it was a) designed by her, and b) £26, and Sienna Miller, because although she is stunningly beautiful and has style to match, there's not a lot of evidence of brains of talent.

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