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Saturday, January 31, 2004

Visiting the hairdresser's was traumatic, to say the least. I was aiming for Cameron Diaz-style tousled gorgeousness - I now look like spike from Dalziel and Pascoe.

Thursday, January 29, 2004

I don't know an awful lot about politics, but the Hutton Report sounds a bit dodgy to me. Also, I don't think the true question here has been answered. I know the report was commissioned to investigate the circumstances surrounding Dr Kelly's death but why was that 45 minute claim inserted if it was false? There's just something a bit fishy about it all. Lord Hutton hardly seems like the most objective and unbiased of investigators. Boris Johnson is quite firmly on the side of the BBC. I'm no BBC lover, but it seems they've got a pretty raw deal. Anyway, it's Boris, he rocks ('...like a greased piglet')

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

I want to be a superheroine. Catwoman would be good, or Tankgirl, but with more hair. Speaking of hair, I'm getting mine cut on Saturday. Think Liz from Atomic Kitten: with layers, without fringe. Anyway, back to being a superheroine. I can't really think of that many. Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy was pretty cool, but she's not, techincally speaking, a superheroine. Can anyone suggest any more? I mean the cool ones, not the boring, do-gooder types like Batgirl and Wonderwoman. Barb Wire was pretty tough; also, I like her hair.

I guess you can tell I'm pretty bored. I used to want to be Courtney Love, until I realised I am absolutely useless with a guitar. I'm one of those people who move their left hand up for the higher parts when playing air guitar. Also, her transformation from grunge-kitten kinderwhore to Hollywood darling may have had something to do with it.

It's snowing here. Maybe this means I shouldn't go to college tomorrow, just in case.

Saturday, January 24, 2004

Are emo-kids taking over the world? They're everywhere! The college common room is full of them; it's a sea of purple hair, big black framed glasses and scowls. At the age of 13 or so, I guess I was what you'd call a faux-goth. I had the hair, the leather jacket and the one Marilyn Manson album. It never really came off the ground. Now, I'm just me. Still in the baggy trousers, but that's a self-conscious thing really, I would never wear tight jeans. I don't want to subscribe to any ready-made category. Why would I want to put myself in a little box? I'm just me, damn it, and that's the only label I want.
Disturbingly, I'm finding myself increasingly attracted to Jack Black. How can this be? I don't understand and I'm not going to try to. He's no Johnny Depp but somehow, there's something rather sexy about him. I seem to veer between liking chubby men and very skinny men, never anything between.

Friday, January 23, 2004

Hmmm. I wish I had gone to college now, I'm so bored. On a more positive note, I found £7.50 in my coat pocket. But what to do with it? Right now I'm thinking haircut or putting it towards a CD. I'm not sure if I can stretch this dilemma out to last a whole day, so I guess I'll have to think of something else to do.
Pah. I'm not going to college today. Today will be my mid-winter cleaning day. First I'll clean out my head, get rid of all the miserable depressing crap inside of it, then I'll make a start on my room. I guess you could call it a duvet day, only I'm not going to stay in bed. How I'd love a laptop! I could be sat up in bed now, with a cappuccino, happily tapping away, Carrie Bradshaw-style. Hang on, I'm not in vibrant, busy New York, I'm in a gloomy little village, akin to Royston Vasey and I haven't seen the sun for two weeks. Pah.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

I've been think about universities. I'm currently doing my AS levels in English Lit., Media, Psychology and Law. I want to do a degree in maybe English, journalism or something film studies related. I don't have to start choosing where to go for ages yet, but Leeds sounds good. ABB for English, hopefully I can manage that. University College London sounds good too. (AAB) It's the fourth best uni in the country for English, according to The Times. I was born in London, and one day I'm planning to move back. I'm not sure whether I could cope with the dirt though. I stayed in the city this summer with my auntie, and at the end of every day, I had mysterious black muck under my fingernails. Still, though, to be at Uni in the centre! My parents met at the Central School of Art. I've been told many stories about the exciting things they saw and did. Bomb scares, crazy nights in the Student Union bars, living right at the centre of the action. I can't wait!
I can't decide whether today has been better or worse than yesterday. I hate complaining like this, after all, there are so many people worse off than me, but the last few days, it's been nothing but grey skies and rain in my world.

Good things about today: I did some english coursework, and bought banana shampoo from The Body Shop.

Bad things about today: I got home at two to find my mother drunk already, (more on that another time) and my hair has developed a life of its own, with a vengeance. Well, I guess that just about sums it up.

Thank you loads to Grandma Fifi, because she sent me a lovely comforting email yesterday. Go visit her site, it rocks. (But I want to know more about her - how about one of those '20 things about me' lists?)

Monday, January 19, 2004

Look! A comments thingy! It doesn't look great but I'm pretty proud of myself for working out how to do it.

Self esteem has nearly reached normal levels now, due to my realisation that Kylie Minogue and I are virtually the same size, vertically and horizontally. No one picks on her.
Today is one of those days when I wish I was someone else. Someone taller, more confident, better looking. I hate beating myself up like this, but I just don't feel good. I'm sick of people making comments about my height (I'm 5ft 1) What difference does it make to anything? Am I less of a person because of it? I don't know, but there seems to be a lot of people out there wanting to make me think so.

I'm giving up with liking the pretty guy. He's beautiful; I'm not. I'm not going to give myself even more ammo for this new-found self-hatred by pursuing something that is only going to end in tears.

Saturday, January 17, 2004

I found another new blog to read - Laura's Blog. It appears she loves Johnny as much as I do. I still need to see Blow. He definitely looks sexiest with long hair. Long hair which I would so love to run my fingers through...

Anyway, I digress. I also found a new band, Tiger Army. The singer's voice is very sexy; at times there's an element of growl to it. Mmmmm. Like Davey Havok's. I can lust over him purely at the seductiveness of his voice.

I got a B in my King Lear coursework! I'm hoping to get an A in the next.

Thursday, January 15, 2004

Thanks to Leticia for assisting me in my eternal quest for punctuation supremacy! The pen certainly is mightier than the sword.

Speaking of Leticia, she writes of being shy. I know what she means. I blush at anything. I hate lunchtimes at college. Three possibilities:
1. I wander around on my own for an hour, constantly checking my phone for that 'important phone call'.
2. I sit in the canteen with people I went to school with, but we've never been friends in the true sense of the word.
3. I go to the common room, and hang around with fun people I don't really know, so this makes me blush. Then I walk into the hot guy and blush more and it is soooo obvious why.

My exams went ok today. Media was pretty good; I wrote about the Alan Clark Diaries only being shown on BBC4, thus an affront to all licence-fee paying Alan Clark fans who are now being forced to shell out even more for Freeview. God, I hate the BBC - more on that another time. (The question was media control of audience consumption) Go me!

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

Arghhhh! English Lit. exam tomorrow! I don't deserve a good mark because, simply, I haven't revised enough. It's on Frankenstein, a book I was previously very much against, but there's just so much symbolism in it; you can't get stuck for writing material. I also have a media exam in the afternoon, but I'm not so worried about that. Reading No Logo by Naomi Klein has helped immensely.

I'm concerned about my colon/semi-colon use. If I'm getting them mixed up, I would be grateful if someone could help me out. Thanks!

Monday, January 12, 2004

The hot guy knows my name! Or at least he did, at 4:00 am on Saturday morning... It was a very random night, and I must say, he is twice as beautiful up close. He also makes good tea and knows how many sugars I like. Anyway, that's all he knows about me as yet.

I read a very good post by Belle de Jour earlier on the romantic perils of sex on a first date. Too right. Not that I have, but the warning will hopefully remain in my mind.

I can't really think of much to write at the moment. I think it's because I'm absolutely terrified of the fact I have have an English Literature exam in two days - help! Once I get it over and done with, hopefully my imagination will return.

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

Oh dear. I have a serious blushing problem. It happens whenever I see this certain guy at college. He's drop-dead gorgeous, which doesn't help. My friend, S knows him, and recently made me stop to to talk to him in the corridor. S saw him today, and said 'See you round college', to which the guy replied 'Yeah, you and the red-faced girl'. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. At least he noticed me.
Remember what I said about being a private person? I have a lot to say, but a crazy, irrational fear prevents me from spilling all my metaphorical beans. But no more - honesty is the best policy, as they say.

I'll start by saying loneliness and a high sex drive is not a good combination. I did have a sex-buddy, but it got totally mixed up. The fact that he still kind of had a girlfriend (who I see constantly at college) and that he was best friends with my ex didn't help. Oh dear. I'm painting a bad picture of myself. I'm not bad, I'm just drawn this way. What a line! If I could be any cartoon character, I would, of course, be Jessica Rabbit.

So now I am still single, and I would rather be single than in a boring and unhappy relationship. One of my friends, let's call her Megan, is always arguing with her boyfriend. I just don't understand why they're still together. She says it's because the making up is the best part, but is it really worth the hassle?

Couples. They're all crazy.

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

Aaaahhh... The warm, lazy pleasure of nostalgia. Today, whilst walking from college to town (and skiving law) I saw an old friend who I used to fancy like mad. I remember being 15, paralytically drunk and begging him to go out with me. He just held my hand and said I was lovely, but just too young. He is two and a half years older than me. I couldn't, and still can't, see how this is a problem. When is an age gap too big? I waved, and he waved back, and looked quite happy to see me. I love it when people look genuinely happy to see you, it makes you feel all warm inside.

After getting up at eleven every morning for the past two weeks, it's a shock having to get up at 6:30 again to go to college. Meh. I am sleep-deprived, and my bed looks sooooo tempting right now. Alas, I have no one to share it with. (I really must stop complaining about my possible eternal loneliness, I think it's starting to annoy people)

Friday, January 02, 2004

And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom (Anais Nin)

I love that quote, it's inspirational. I bought a new handbag today from New Look. It's dusky pink corduroy, and it's beautiful. Weirdly, I can't wait to get back to college. It was never like this when I was at school; I would do anything to avoid having to go. I think it's because I'm still making friends, I'm a slow starter really, but I am blossoming.

Thursday, January 01, 2004

I am bored, and boring. When I'm nowhere near a computer, I have lots to say, so much to say. Somehow, I seem to get performance anxiety when it comes to sitting in front of my screen. Why is this? I think it would be a good idea to buy a diary. But what if someone reads it? I've always wanted to keep a diary but the thought of someone else finding it and discovering exactly what's going on my head scares me. (I should point out here that I don't have psychopathic tendencies or the like; I'm just a private person)

I have £24, and want to spend it on something good. A new handbag? I can't find one I like. A diary? Well, we've just been through this. Hmmm, something to ponder...

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